Who missed me? I had so much fun answering your questions last week and I couldn’t wait to hear from you guys again. A week has gone by and you all have been peppering me with your questions. I got so many questions from you this week and I’m going to answer most of them as honest as I can with the aid of my experience bank, okay?
Q: Is age just a number or does a big age difference truly make a difference?
Sweetheart, age is just a number and it sure makes a difference. You know how it is with Africans and respect for elders abi; there’s no way you won’t always navigate within that space. Hence, there’s no way you’ll see an elder person and not naturally show some respect to the person. If as a woman, you’re married to a younger man, you should be aware that traditionally, you’re required to respect your husband regardless, so navigating the respect space will be quite different for you. Can you live with that? Are you okay with that?
Please note that this applies to both men and women: In marriage, you’re equal partners, so treat your partner as one – with mutual respect, understanding and of course, love.
Q: My partner doesn’t listen to me. He is extremely secretive and listens to his friends. What do I do?
I need to ask you, did you see that before you started dating him or rather, before you began your relationship with him? The truth is if he can’t unpack his feelings with you and would rather do so outside, then find out why. Simply ask him if there’s something you’ve done or something you’re doing that doesn’t sit well with him.
If he doesn’t unpack his secrets or thoughts with you, he honestly shouldn’t be in a relationship with you and vice versa.
Q: Aunty, how do I cope with a partner that’s not expressive with his words and has bad communication skills?
My dear, I’m sure if you’ve been watching this show, you must have heard of the relationship coach Jerome taking the Love Guests on love languages. So what’s your love language? Is it words of affirmation and expression? If so, you need to let your partner know this and if he loves you, he’ll make you happy by trying to work on his expression and communication skills. Don’t force it, just let him know and if needed, guide him through understanding your love language. Remember, love is patient.
Q: My partner and I argue about everything, what can I do? Does this mean we’re not compatible?
It’s two things; you’re either not compatible or you’re both just not listening to each other. What people don’t get is that a conversation involves two people, one talking and the other listening; not just two people talking at the same time. So each of you need to think and answer this: Am I listening to him/her? Is he/she listening to me? This is what you should do, listen to your partner when having a conversation or argument and when he/she is done, ask that they listen to you too. Problem solved! If the problem isn’t solved after this, please write back to me and I’ll personally pray for your relationship. (wink)
Q: What are the rules around dating a colleague? I like my colleague, I want to date him.
I don’t think dating your colleague should be an issue abeg, love has no respect for place or time but the determining factor is what your company policy has to say about it.
Q: What are your thoughts on moving in together before marriage? I’ve been dating my boyfriend for eight years and we are now planning on moving in together with no plans of marriage.
Typically, commitment means getting engaged to a person and deciding to move it to marriage level. However, you should know that if you think living with someone for a number of days, weeks or years will make you know the person more, you’re wrong my darling. Knowing your partner is a continuous process and moving in together before marriage doesn’t guarantee this process.
Q: How do I handle a partner who always feel they are right even when they are wrong?
Are you really right? Who says you’re right and he’s wrong? If you’re certain you’re right, then you don’t have to argue. All you need to do is to pick an appropriate time to let your partner know this but if you stand in a defensive position, stating that you’re always right, then you’re not going to get your point across. Just ask yourself: Am I really right? Then reason with him and watch him accept your views without any fuss.
Q: Can I change a cheating partner?
A Leopard cannot change its spot, likewise a thief. However, I can’t be the judge of this matter, all I know from my pool of experience is that you can’t change a cheating partner. The question here is; can you live with it? You can’t change someone; you can only influence the person to willingly make a decision to stop cheating on you. Do you really want to live with that? Like I said, I can’t be the judge of that? If you observe no change after a few months, you know what to do.
Alright guys, I’ve been able to answer as much questions. It’s time for me to go check on my Love Guests and of course, my Love Pad. See you next week and hopefully on the dancefloor grooving with your favourite Couples.
With love, Aunty.
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