Red flags when pursuing polyamory – S’jola Sonke

27 June 2023
Some factors can be a give-away that it won’t work out well.
S'jola Sonke article

It’s very easy to fall back to your old ways of doing things in a relationship before you realise that some do need to change, and it’s especially important to pay attention to these when you are seeking a third person to join you.

Some red flags that unfortunately some of the couples have shown throughout the show include;


Probably the biggest one of them all would be being a controlling person and this can be in different ways. We have seen some of the singles agreeing that Kwanele has been controlling when it comes to who him and Juju connect with and would do anything to make him agree to what he wants.

Recently, we’ve seen this make an appearance again when he got rather angry that he wasn’t connecting to the person that Juju is connecting with which made him flip out instead of giving it a chance. This is a huge red flag when pursuing such a relationship because now whether you like it or not, everyone’s feelings and thoughts should be a priority.


Lack of communication

A well-oiled machine needs to constantly be taken care of and this is where communication comes in. In order for everyone involved in a relationship to know where they stand, people need to not shy away from using their words.

We’ve seen this be a problem when it comes to all the couples in the villa especially the big Rainbow, Test and Lungile situation. The tension could have been avoided if the couple simply told Lungile that she’s not a good fit for them but instead, they “gave her away” to the next best couple which ended badly for everyone.


Talking to outsiders about your relationship

This would not be a red flag if it is simply to vent or to seek advice but in this Hope and Lesego case, it probably wasn’t the best idea. It was always going to be tricky dealing with multiple singles in the same villa but Lesego choosing to talk to one of them about Hope in a bad light didn’t show the unity that the singles thought the couple has.

This went on to result in singles negatively talking about the couples and that is why it’s better to be open with your person and voice out your concerns and frustrations in that safe space.


One-sided connections

Now this has been a theme in the villa and one that is the biggest hurdle when trying to build a relationship and finding the perfect person for you. The couples have been going through their feelings for the singles as best as they can but the grey area has been present in all their relationships.

The lack of knowing what you want (which all the singles agree with) has been their downfall because they haven’t been agreeing the whole way through but it could afford them a pass because romantic connections can get complicated like that.


Lack of accountability

Misunderstandings are bound to happen but it’s important for every party to look at themselves and their actions and take accountability if they went wrong. Rainbow, Hope as well as Kwanele and Juju have been seen as people that can’t take accountability and has made people’s views of them shift.

When it comes to hurting a person’s feelings, making a choice for someone else or making empty promises, it will never be right to act in that manner and then get shocked when you are confronted about it. It’s always amazing to take accountability but what’s even better than that is learning to then move differently and take good care of your connections.


Don’t miss out on the #SjolaSonke reunion so soon!

Tune in to Sjola Sonke on Mzansi Magic, DStv Channel 161, every Sunday at 21:00. Keep an eye out for more details on Mzansi Magic’s social media channels, Facebook, TwitterInstagram, and TikTok