So, the new The Bachelorette SA teaser dropped recently across social media and we have to talk about it.
The teaser opens with a gorgeous Qiniso Van Damme stepping out of fancy wheels we can’t afford, onto a tastefully lit Red Carpet. *screams in excitement*. The camera pans to host Jason who is drinking in the sight materialising right before his disbelieving eyes – and in that very moment, he looks like he is ready to risk it all for even a singular drop of Q’s sweat on his dinner suit. Same, Jason. Same. You didn’t hear it from us, but to be perfectly honest, we would even go as far as selling our family for a chance to stand at the end of a red carpet watching Q walk our way, because family, shmamily. All they do is drink from the carton and eat our leftovers, don’t they? But that’s a story for another day.
Where were we? Ah! ….
South Africa’s very first Bachelorette walks the carpet ever-so-regally, then exclaims “Oh my goodness. I’m meeting a man tonight!” And at this point we have to go into a private room to cry because we realise, we can’t meet men after 9 pm anymore (it’s the rules) and there’s nothing we can do about it. We calm down a second later though because isn’t she lovely? Then another important realisation hits us. We actually get the chance to date vicariously through Qiniso on this thee first season of The Bachelorette SA – and we don’t even have to leave the comfort of our homes to do it? Inject it into our veins! 💉
In the next shot, there’s an assembly line of handsome men with big smiles holding soft, fluffy and colourful gifts in their hands, plus scenes of Qiniso locked in embraces with two dudes in suits (separately, of course; it’s not that kind of show 👀) and it’s all too much because we want to know who they are and why they are getting embraced. Is there chemistry already? And why is February 11 so far? 😭
Then suddenly, there’s a whole lot of action; zip-lining, diving into water, a beautiful sunset (or sunrise?), a kiss *gasp*, snuggles and also a beautiful man declaring “I’ve never met someone like her before”. Then she hands someone a rose and also looks into a mirror. Three seconds later, we realise “Oh. She’s not looking into a mirror”. Qiniso’s actually talking to a gent with a curl pattern that’s almost identical to hers.
Jealousy and hair-envy seep through our pores, then we forget all about it when it gets snippy out of nowhere, just how we like our reality tele-visjion (we speak French). Qiniso tells a shocked cutie “I’m not a piece of meat. You’re not in prison. If you want to leave, leave”. And now we can’t hold it together because what.is.happening? Does he want to give up? Is someone getting spicy with our Q already (wow) – and why all this talk of bovine when there’s so much at steak… erm stake already?
Aside: Lus for a braai now with all this talk of meat and spices. 😩
From that moment on it's a whirlwind of drama. Jason has to usher a distraught Qiniso away (love the red dress by the way) and a bunch of bewildered men watch a guy in a suit wheel his bags away (did he get booted off the show?) 😱 Can February 11 come already? Geesh!
If you don’t believe just how dramatic the new The Bachelorette SA teaser is, see it for yourself, with your own eyeballs below.
Qiniso makes a splash!
Riveting!
The Bachelorette SA season 1 debuts on February 11, 2021 on #MNet101 DStv Channel 101