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Central African Rep
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Amnesia survival guide
Back to the Future on TCM
A handy guide to time-travel
Joseph Mosselson | Sat, 22 Sep 2012
It could happen to anyone. You climb into an innocent-looking DeLorean or hot tub, or step into an innocuous phonebooth, and find yourself hurtling around the timeline. Fortunately, you watch a lot of movies, so to know just how to handle yourself.
Firstly, avoid running into yourself at all costs. As tempting as it may be to seek out your past self and tell him to buy shares in Apple, or find yourself in the future and find out just how it all went wrong, the fact of matter is that it can’t occupy the same space at the same time. Running into another version of yourself is bound to end badly for everyone involved. Especially when everyone involved is you.
That said, there’s nothing to stop you seeking out a couple of useful artifacts that would make your return to the present so much sweeter. Showing up in your own time with a hoverboard, a couple of original Van Gogh’s or the deed to the island of Manhattan is bound to make you the envy of your social circle.
Alternatively DON’T CHANGE ANYTHING! Especially if you’re in the past, the slightest change may alter the future in strange and terrible ways. It’s known as the butterfly effect, and should be avoided at all costs. Same goes for the Ashton Kutcher movie.
It’s also advisable to avoid contact with past or future family members. Being a sexy time-traveller with outlandish charm and fish-out-of-water appeal is bound to lead to some uncomfortable crushes.
When in doubt, find a historical figure to help out. You’ve learned about them in school, so you’ll have a great way to break the ice and chances are they’ll be more than willing to give you a hand with your novel, or advise you on the best way to invade Manchuria. Note: don’t actually invade Manchuria or you’ll be affecting some serious butterflies.
If all else fails, 1.21 gigawatts of electricity should be enough to get you back to your own time. Keep an eye out for handy lightning storms or large crowds of people wearing wool jerseys and carrying balloons.
For more handy hints on dealing with time travel, make sure you catch
Back to the Future
, Sun 23 Sep at 21:00 on TCM.
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Nick Fury is director of S.H.I.E.L.D, an international peace keeping agency.
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